Author Topic: Calvin And The Wasp  (Read 4926 times)

Online rpollock

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Calvin And The Wasp
« on: December 22, 2009, 05:29:59 PM »
Tony Gauthier said:
BRSC is quite lucky to have a vast array of specialists in its membership and you can run across an expert in just about any field. We have welders, gunsmiths, mechanics, computer experts and the list just goes on and on.

I will attempt from time to time try and do a profile of one of these experts. This profile is the first and I felt it important to start out with one of our more valuable members Calvin.
Calvin’s expertise is I feel one of the most invaluable when it comes to bench rest matches in western Canada. You see Calvin is a wasp expert.

The summer of 2009 was one of the worst I can remember for wasps. According to Calvin they were bad across western Canada. Possibly all of Canada and the U.S., but he only started shooting so hasn’t traveled to those locations yet. He first discovered these phenomena in Selkirk and immediately went into action. Word is that he got most of them with only one slight sting to his person. Those who witnessed this (Doug Siebe for one) said it was like watching a machine in action.

Now I can’t say for sure because I don’t usually believe a word Doug say’s. Maxine has told me many times not to and I do believe her.
So now being armed with his knowledge of wasp problems and how to not handle them Calvin decided to travel to Rosebud and try to deal with Alberta wasps. This is where it gets real interesting and you can believe this as gospel because I was sitting right there to witness it all and as all of you know I, unlike Doug, do not fib or exaggerate! Upon Calvin’s arrival he immediately noticed that we had a wasp problem, and armed with his vast knowledge, gave us some advice. Now I thought at the time he was just busy unpacking gear and that was why he shouted the advice from a distance, but it seemed like pretty good advice, and after all he is an expert!

Well sticking to Calvin’s advice all went well until we got to the BBQ Saturday evening. We immediately noticed a large increase in Wasps. At Calvin’s advice we decided to eat inside the loading room to maintain a safe and problem free meal. Once again we gratefully took his advice and did as he said. All went well during the meal and I made sure I sat within arms length of such a knowledgeable man!
It was after supper that things began to unravel and I began to doubt Calvin and his knowledge. You see after the BBQ the occasional refreshment is brought out and Calvin opened up a can of beer. This is when I began to wonder about his expertise in the wasp area. You see in Alberta most wasp experts after opening a beer turn the little tab around over the hole to keep wasps out. I thought it was just that wasps in Manitoba didn’t like beer so kept my mouth shut.

About this time Jeff Wardlow comes in from having a smoke outside as I am allergic to cigarette smoke and Jeff is always considerate enough to go outside. Anyway I digress so as Jeff came in he was a little slow closing the door. Now I don’t blame him as we weren’t in Selkirk so really didn’t need to worry about a thousand mosquito’s getting inside. However one lonely wasp did make it in. As it swooped past me I took a swing with my hat, and missed. I hollered at the guy’s to get it, but it seemed to vanish. Turns out it had actually landed in Calvin’s can of beer. You see Alberta wasps really like beer and prefer to float on the top and drink as much as they can. Now Calvin also really likes beer and it wasn’t long before he and the wasp tangled, with Calvin being the looser in round one! Just after the wasp stung him on the lip Calvin did win the final battle as he stomped the wasp that was lying on the floor in the puddle of beer that Calvin spit out.

Now you might be thinking this was a bad thing for Calvin, but other than a very large lower lip, he actually ended up starting a new business from his lip experience. I hear that he is all set up to do surgery free lip enlarging and is looking at Hollywood type clients as the first to jump at t

John VM said:
Yes, that Jeff is a considerate fella, smokin outside and all. I think Calvin needs a little more practice if he had to spit all that beer out over a wasp. :-)

cyanchycki said:
Well Tony I could not stay quiet but I have to add to your story. I just about needed a pair of DEPENDS after reading your story.
See the incident in Selkirk I figure was a conspiracy between Peter Penner, Phil Nick, Gord Wald, the wasps and possibly Dwayne Cyr. That morning I won my first yardage ever at a match in the LV 100. I figure I was shooting well and the guys had to find a way to slow me down. It eventually worked but not after winning that morning.

So the story unfolds. I was in the middle of a full back stroke (Get your minds out of the gutter) cleaning my rifle when I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the backside of my arm. I instantly figured someone used their cleaning rod as a cattle prod. My reaction was to swat with my opposite hand and catch them in the act. I swatted and immediately felt the same feeling behind my left ear. I thought to myself that guy is good. I swatted as hard as I could almost knocking myself to the ground. I figured he would have had enough after that reaction but NOOOOOOOOO.... hit him one more time. Well I for the life of me cannot figure out how he could get through my long, flowing locks of curly 80’s hair to hit me one last time before I nailed him with one last blow that I figure gave me slight brain damage. After coming to back to my senses I carried on cleaning, loading and inputting the scores in the PC.

Before I got back outside Peter mentioned that he took care of the culprits and got them good. Well when I returned outside I saw a wasp nest stirred up and PARTIALLY ripped open. The Kenora boys and Peter figured they had got me but it was funny to watch them dance around like school girls every time an angry wasp buzzed by........ ;^) Calvin to the rescue. I took my raincoat back from Herman Hefta to have a bit of protection and proceeded to exterminate the rest of the nest and wasps slowly. Calvin succeeded.
I do still have the occasional nightmare from the attack but I think with a bit more counselling I will be okay.

In regards to the unprecedented attack at Rosebud I am not to sure why I was attacked there but I figure maybe that Paul Ross dude might have been behind it.
The highlights of that attack was being able to swear in front of a lady (Max) and not feel guilty as it hurt like hell. The Doc walking up to me and asking if I was okay, if I was having a hard time breathing. He proceeded to pull his rusty, dull steak knife and inform me that if I was he could give me a tracheotomy.... :^O
The low point of the attack was that it was my lip that swelled up beyond belief. I figure I now know what it feels like to be from a different race with a big lip. I would have preferred growth elsewhere. Finally the trip I took back to Cochrane to the drugstore to get some antihistamine to counteract the swelling. The pharmacist asked how many drinks I had indulged in and I lied......
Overall in 2009, people tried to beat me down but the Pole from Brandon survived. Can’t wait to see you guys in 2010.

Tony Gauthier said:
Calvin is exagerating, Doc's knife was not rusty.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2009, 09:33:23 PM by rpollock »


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